Alone vs. Together

I don't know which is worse anymore. Being and alone or being with people. Being alone does make the day seem longer but people affect the way you react to things - aftershocks in particular. If the people around you panic in a large one, I find myself also panicking. Something that does not happen as much when I am by myself.

Maybe if I could find other people that don't panic it would be different. They don't panic at work and that always seems so much more bearable that being around my friends. Though that is slightly worrying isn't it? When work - in all its manic busy glory - is more calming that being with those that you care for.

Survival of the Fittest

Survival is a funny thing. You can register that you are alive; you can comprehend that the people around you are alive; you can even understand - to a point - that people in their multitudes have died, but because you and those around you are plodding along (or racing as the case may be) step by step in a direction that is relatively normal, the peoples deaths seem remote.

Foggy - through a haze as though what you lived through was something different and separate and not quite so bad as what claimed them.

And then upon reflection, in the quiet moments when you are by yourself, you realise that its not, that its all the same.

Many through out time have said that living is harder than dying. And it is true I'd imagine. But that makes it somewhat more worthwhile.

I lived; I survived along side many, many thousands of others. It would be somehow dishonouring those strangers that were not so fortunate to not make the most of that gift.