Hold Me??

It is funny how somedays the smallest of things - like the death of a couple of gold fish - can set you down a dark road.

I find myself dying, ever so slowly, for want of touch. Dying like the gold fish.

My family is not a huggy family - they never have been - hell lets face facts here, we rarely say anything of consequence to each other let alone hug. All the guys I have ever been with will touch as far as sex goes but they either leave or roll away to sleep. And even they have been few and far between of late.

Clearly there is something wrong with me.

And that thing that is wrong is causing me to die by slow degrees. I can feel myself shutting down bit by bit, Becoming closed and cold. I hate it but i don't know how to stop it. Beyond touch.

Circumstances don't help. I can't find a job, there are expectations that everybody has and every man and their dog just has to throw in their 2 cents worth on the matter. Its bad enough that I am stuggling to hold onto my previously endless optimism but to have everyone around me critique and judge and offer their 'advice'...  its all starting to grate.

Then there are the engagment announcments and the babies being born and everyone around me wallowing in their happiness and new jobs and careers and families... and the others that are consumed with their own problems and want either a sympathetic ear or a quick fix solution with no never mind to others around...

All I want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay.