Budgeting

With cash flow comes a responsibility to spend what you bring in wisely. Perhaps because I studied accounting I am a little inclined to take this further than most, but then again there is a reason that the economy is so bad at the moment.......

But with getting a car and planing to move there needs to be some form of budget so that everything can be done on the limited funds that a low training wage brings in. The problem is trying to find figures to work around. Until I know what kind of car I end up with I wont know the repayments or the insurance or the petrol costs; without knowing where I will like I have to guess about market costs. It then doesn't help that work is slow and hours are getting cut. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm even guessing on my weekly take home pay because hours change day to day. I'm not complaining. I have waited far to long to have a job to be complaining.

It just makes things complicated is all. And part of it is my own fault. I want far too many things. Patience must be applied and I have never been a particularly patient person.

But I am learning.

All habits can be broken, changed and reshaped after all.

Especially when the new year is only a day away. There is just something about the new year that calls for habit breaking and goal setting and life changing. The hopes that the new period of time will bring with it new opportunities and new hope. Its not a new concept.

Luckily my goals have already been set. Already started working toward. And unlike 90 percent of the other resolutions out there, mine will be kept and completed. It is an exciting time. Tomorrow we will be able to know one off. Have made plans to pull an all nighter at the beach (a particularly safe idea given that the central city is once again rubble after the boxing day aftershocks), and even though I have to be at work at 6am tomorrow morning, making it a very long day - I think it will be worth it. Provided it doesn't rain - though that said, rain could prove beneficial in staying awake.

And then four more lessons and my instructor thinks I will be ready to sit my driving test. At least when that is done I wont feel like so much of a burden on Dad. I know that he doesn't really sleep much, but I'm starting to feel bad. Its not like I expect Mum to help out - what with her being less supportive and all (shes complaining about the early starts? she gets more sleep than me) but still... I'm even starting to enjoy the driving. City driving for the first time today was a bit hairy, but as long as I keep my head its not so bad.

 Budgeting, driving, working - I must be growing up at last.

Boxing Day

There was defiantly a lull into a false sense of security that had been happening, I think. A 4.9 aftershock today while I was at work - the first really big shake in a good while. And the first that I had experienced in a very public place - the ones at uni don't really count.

It got the heart racing that is for sure.

Lucky the mall where I work wasn't that busy. Well, except for all those people lining up for the jewelry store. I mean I know why I was at a mall at 6.30am on a boxing day, but to willingly stand out side of a store until it opens at 10.... I will never understand some people. Surely the bargains cant be that good.

But the day has marked a kind of... almost turning point. Two full weeks on the bake shift and my routines are starting to form and I am starting to get the hang of it all. 5am doesn't seem quite so horrible any more and I am no where near as tired when I get home any more. I am starting to feel that my writing can once more become a very real achievement for me. I was starting to feel a little guilty neglecting it the way I had been. I had been on such a roll in November and while I defiantly don't begrudge that I have a job that now takes up my day (and I defiantly don't, I had been searching for one for so long that it is a relief to have one, let alone one that I enjoy), I have missed the flow of words.

With the progress of my driving lessons and the settling into the new job, everything seems to be coming together. By the end of February I should hopefully be in a new house, I will have a car (thanks Dad), be working full time and sometime within the next week or so I AM going to start writing again.....

2011 is going to be a good year. I can feel it.

So much better than 2010 was. I will no longer be a burden on anyone. I will no longer be looked down upon by parents (or at least I wont be around to see it if I am) and it will be the birth of a whole new me with the help of my 'to acheive' list. I am looking forward to it. To be able to attend the traditional boxing day BBQ and actually have things to report... there is a comfort in that I think.

Baptism By Fire

Starting a job, not only in the hospitality industry, but in a mall in the weeks just before Christmas is certainly jumping into the deep end with no idea of any rocks that might be in your path. From doing nothing much during the day to doing ten hours on your feet certainly takes some getting used to. Not to mention the learning of new processes and skills and dealing with the moodiness of the general population that comes hand in hand with this season...

The term 'baptism by fire' is certainly apt.

But that does not mean that I am not enjoying it - I am. I am enjoying being able to spend most of my day baking and playing with food. I am enjoying meeting new people - getting to know new work mates. And I am enjoying the kick start to driving that getting a job has required, not to mention the additions to my bank account that it has resulted in.

No, for all that my feet hurt and I think I am loosing my voice, this job is defiantly a good thing. I can even see the advantages of becoming a morning person - no matter how naturally nocturnal I may be. And once I settle in a bit more, get a routine going and my own wheels so I am not dependant on anyone else I think I can see myself really getting into it. And I am sure that once I get myself settled in it all I will be able to fall once more into my writing.  Once the stressful season leaves us behind and we can all breathe once more.

But Christmas is like that isn't it? It is supposed to be this time of rejoicing and spending time with loved ones and family and yet we spend the entire time rushing around in a mad panic like headless chickens. It is frantic and stressful and crowded and that detracts from the peace that it is supposed to be.

Not much to be done about it though - except stop celebrating the holiday. But wheres the fun in that. At the risk of seeming materialistic I like presents. So onward we must press. Two more weeks and the madness will be over for another year.

Day Two and I'm Still Alive

My first two days of my new job and though my back hurts, I'm dehydrated (my own fault), tired and still don't know how I am going to get over that side of town for 6 in the morning - I couldn't be happier.

Obviously I am no where near proficient and still have much to learn but the people are great (even if they all tell me different ways of doing the same thing) and there is something satisfying about being busy all the time. That feeling I guess will fade sooner rather than later but after months of idleness it is a nice change. Besides, I am learning and as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "every artist was first an amateur". Not that I hold aspirations of becoming any form of artist at this job, but the principle still remains.

Not only is there the new job, but the driving schools have been booked, Dad has agreed to lend me money for a car interest free and every thing seems to falling into place. I almost want to look over my shoulder to wait for the other shoe to drop - but I deserve this damn it. I deserve to have things going right for me for a change so I am not going to second guess this. Second guessing can only lead to the creation of self fulfilling prophecies and I can't have that.

It is enough to give one the warm fuzzies...

Finally

It has been a long year, I know that I have said this before but it has been. The repetitive nature of the comment may make me feel better temporarily but it does nothing to change the truth of the comment. This last year - my 23rd year of being - was full of trials. And with my birthday only five days away my thoughts have naturally drifted to the automatic internal reflection that seems to occur every year around this time.

My self esteem - so usually very strong, has taken a huge hammering this year. Failure after failure; rejection after rejection. I have held on, kept at it, and while it hasn't been easy nor without damage, finally it is worth while. Finally there has been a 'yes' in the sea of 'no'.

Finally a job interview has turned into the offer of a job.

And I couldn't be more excited or more relieved. Yes, it is a job that has nothing to do with my degree, but it has to do with my interests so that seems far better. And yes it raises the interesting question of how the hell am I even going to get to that part of town that early in the morning (ignoring the fact that it is in fact that early in the morning and I am really not a morning person), but it'll just put the fire on getting my license which will in turn wipe that goal off the list as done.

Yes, the negatives are easily ignored. They can be worked out - they are relatively simple and inconsequential when they are compared to trying to find a job in the current climate. As long as I keep focused enough not to let myself get bogged down with a need to please and fear of letting people down. But I think that after the first couple of days that feeling will depart.

And so I finally will enter the world of the gainfully employed. I have a feeling that this year is going to be so much better than last.