It would be very easy to let myself become bogged down in the knowledge that others are succeeding in their careers. Especially in a job that I myself interviewed and trained for. It could be easy to say to myself that they are living the life that I should have had instead of being proud of them.
But I am not them. Even though me and Rachael (who from this points on wants to be known by a code name - lets see what she comes up with) have the same degree, I don't have her temperament. I know now that I couldn't succeed in the job that she has. It would slowly kill me. So even though she won the job at the end of the day, I can, with 100% sincerity say that I am proud of her achievements.
I may not know what I want to do with my life anymore (well, at least in the interim until I can achieve the scary super goal of being successfully published) I at least am starting to get an idea of what I don't want out of life. A little late, but that is better then never. After spending so many years doing the 'right' thing or the 'expected' thing I am finally doing attempting to do the right thing for me. Its not particularly easy, and I cop a lot of slack for it, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.
It has to be right?
One day I will be able to look back on this year and say that the struggles are what made me. I just have to keep looking forward.
Look forward, for example, to the lunch I have been asked to cater on Sunday. Very excited about it. Complete strangers asking for me - well my cupcakes, that just happened to morph into an entire meal. It is an honour to be sure that something that I make is received so well. I just hope that the rest of it goes well. I'm sure it will.
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